It is no secret that this blog doesn’t only address how to go about daily life in Songdo, but rather, it goes where my mind does. We’ve talked about social issues affecting expats such as cultural appropriation and how shocking the treatment of women is in Korea and also the rest of the world but that’s not where the story ends. Amongst all our talk of feminism, it is easy to forget to take a step back and actually think about what feminism means, or, dare I say, should mean, in today’s world.
For me, feminism is primarily about choice and the freedom to exercise that choice. Let’s face it, despite the rollercoaster of educational paths and careers that I have followed, I now live a gender stereotypical life in Korea – My husband is the sole breadwinner and I am the homemaker. The important thing is that the decision to move was a join one. Flashback to our first wedding anniversary when he told me he had the job offer. My first question was ‘when are we moving’ followed by a sidebar ‘are you going to be ok with the fact that me being able to work there is a very remote possibility’. His first concern was whether I would be happy not being able to do the work I love. Whilst I miss it sometimes, I am great at keeping myself busy, and he is great at supporting whatever my latest project is (ed. within reason. My desire for flying lessons has been met with a most vague ‘we’ll see’. I think he is waiting for this phase to pass personally – see Mr. B, I’m wise to your tricks, I just let you think I don’t know differently.) I also know that if I suddenly decide I’m not happy here there are options we can discuss: me moving abroad to take on projects for a few months at a time, or us leaving to a country that we can both work in. Choice and freedom to exercise that choice. I don’t like the kind of militant feminism that demands every task be a shared one – if there are ten things to do, we’ll take five each if that makes sense based on our individual time commitments, rather than each doing 50% of each one. Everyone should be as lucky with the men in their lives as me – grandfathers, father, brothers and husband.
Anyway, as usual I digress. Yes, feminism is important and there is a long way to go for women but equally important, and more often forgotten, is, well, it turns out it is such forgotten concept that I’m struggling to even find a word for it – feminism for men is what I guess I’ll call it. I’m genuinely worried for both my future-male-and-female children that the world they are being born into is far from ideal. I mentioned in a previous post that women do get the short end of the stick a lot so I won’t go into that again now, but it’s not all easy for men either. Men are often depicted as tough to the extent of being brutish, lads who drink beer and scare old people as they thunder down the street. There is an expectation that they will conform to societal norms and refuse to wear pink, won’t cry in public, won’t hug one another and generally remain aloof and distant from people around them. I mean, it would suck to be born into that reality right? And sadly, those in power do nothing but propagate the myths surrounding manhood.
I’m sure you remember when Mr Trump dismissed one of his many misogynistic comments as ‘locker room chat.’ There were many voices, one of my most favourite being Michelle Obama*, that argued that accepting such a dismissal was simply offensive to all the men in our life who wouldn’t dream of speaking about women, or any human, using the tone and words employed by POTUS. So to all those shouting that it shouldn’t be OK for men to talk like that amongst themselves (and yes, I agree that it shouldn’t) let’s remember that NOT ALL MEN DO. And you know what’s apparent? Amongst all the noise (I use the word in the kindest possible way) calling for #genderequality, it is those good, kind men, those fathers, brothers, husbands, sons and friends who don’t have a voice, or whose voice is discounted for the simple reason that they are men – viz: ‘How can you know what it is like to be discriminated against – you’re a man and its easy for you!’ Those men, however, are SO important if we are to ever achieve a truly equal, or anything close to truly equal – until men can push humans out of their bodies it won’t be totally equal – global society.
And it is here that we see the point of this post. There are so many of these underappreciated men in our lives, in the world, that an attempt to help them speak out needs to be celebrated and supported. To this end, my friends in London have created “Being Mankind” – a photo-illustrated volume that gives voices to the kind men who are real role models. Men who truly define what it is to be a man. Who can share their emotions and throw off the societal-demand that they always ‘be strong’ and ‘be tough.’ Who will be house-husbands in a world where housewives are the norm. Who we aspire to be like, or raise our children to be like. Who will always share the task of being human with women.
The book itself is a stunning depiction of several real-life stories that will take you through a gamut of emotions, and for every book that is bought, another is donated to a school where young men (and women) will have access to it and be inspired say no to outdated stereotypes in favour of being kind, confident and empathetic human beings. And the best bit – you can totally help!
In order to increase the print run of Vol1 and launch Vol 2 of the book, they’ve got an all-or-nothing-Kickstarter campaign that you can read about here that only has 3 days left to go. If they don’t reach their target, they don’t get any of the funding pledged to date, so it really is a case of every penny counts. Any donations, pledges or shares of the kickstarter campaign website are all welcome – you’ve got the links above, but here are the websites in full if you want to share them on!
Being Mankind Website: https://www.beingmankind.org/
Let’s take a stand and make a difference that counts. #genderequality #beingmankind #beinghumankind #kickstarter
*It would appear that the post script is becoming a more regular feature of my posts. Luckily I know you will only read on if you are particularly interested. Now Michelle Obama is a great feminist. Educated, ambitious and driven, but with everything she does oozing class and grace. I’m given to understand (correct me if I’m wrong) that the First Lady (or First Husband) is required to give up her/his career whilst his/her spouse holds the position of POTUS and I defy anyone to say that this action is anti-feminist. Never once did you get the feeling that she resented being the wife of ‘the most powerful man in the world.’ I mean, she is his wife much like he is her husband. No ownership implied in the possessive pronouns, just a statement of fact – neither of them can be anybody else’s husband/wife whilst they are each others after all. Rather, she supported him in his job and pursued the agenda for hers whilst together they raised two equally fabulous children all within the public eye. She didn’t eschew the need to look incredible at all times in the name of feminism and personally, I think she is everything a leader should be. If it were up to me #michelleforpresident2020 would be a given. Now excuse me whilst I go and think about my most serious girl-crush….